The farm widow

So, it's official. I am widowed once again. Every year around this time, (actually, usually earlier. Dang wet spring!) I become a single parent. You know, if single parents didn't have to worry about income or taking out the trash!

My name is Tabitha, and my husband is a farmer.

As is probably obvious, this is not my favourite time of year. Where spring used to mean flowers, lots of green, and new clothes, it now means long hours, cranky kids, and dirt. Lots of dirt. This is the time of year when I fight the ultimate battle any married woman faces from time to time. What to pray for? The desire of my husband or the desire of myself? After 3 weeks of 15 hours days without any sign of my husband, a woman gets a little selfish!

"Dear Lord, please send some rain. Not too much, just enough to stall seeding for a few days. OH! And please don't tell Matt who requested it!"

This may seem absurd but I have to confess, it has happened more than once. This "super mom" falls flat on her face more often than she would like to admit when faced with going solo for weeks on end. This year has hardly begun (I sit here in my jammies, husbandless at 10:00 PM) and God has convicted me in a big way. There is a third option in my battle. Pray for God's desire.

Ummmmm..... What is God's desire?

I have been reading "The Shack" again lately and one theme in that book that I always enjoy is RELATIONSHIP. God desires a relationship with us over everything else. He doesn't want us to follow a set of rules or spend our lives travelling the world in search of "the unsaved", he wants us to know him and love him the way he knows and loves us. This relationship may lead us to these things, but they should not be the entirety of our faith.

So what does this mean for me? Well, I could keep praying for rain, which in Manitoba is like praying for mosquitoes! OR I could use the extra time without my most precious earthly relationship to work on my heavenly one. Who knows? Maybe a stronger relationship with my God will serve to strengthen my relationship with my missing husband.