What "Happily Ever After" looks like in the middle.

I was struck today by the drastic nature of the communication shift within my marriage since having children. What struck me, specifically?

"Not to worry, Honey. It was just one of those turtle-ing moments when it's starting to come out but you hold it in and run screaming. Not a major mess."

If you don't know what I am referring to, you've never had children.

WHAT HAPPENED??!!

I promise you, no words even REMOTELY resembling the above would ever had been uttered in conversation with my beloved 9 years ago.

9 years has flown by...

Some examples:

Sunday afternoon:

BEFORE
"I loved the part of the sermon about loving your neighbour. Maybe the whole baseball bat vs. mailbox thing was a bad idea."

AFTER
"I think I may have forgotten a dirty diaper on the pulpit. I hope the cleaning lady will find it."

9:00 PM Friday night

BEFORE
"Wanna go to Boston Pizza?"

AFTER
"So, wanna.......ummmmm.....(insert own slang here)......or just go to bed?"

6:00 PM Wednesday

BEFORE
"How was your day? I had the most amazing sandwich for lunch today at Subway!"

AFTER
"What do you mean, 'Won't be home by bedtime?'" (or insert above quote)



I will say it again: WHAT HAPPENED??!!

The picture has changed somewhat. 

This is unacceptable. I can't remember the last conversation I had with my husband that did not include the words: diaper, barf, poop, tantrum, or boogers. Romantic.

Somewhere between "I do!" and "Welcome baby!" we've become excrement obsessed, home-bound, old people.

Not ok.

"Date Night" now consists of dropping the kids off at the Grandparents and quickly zipping 15 minutes away to Steinbach to have supper and zipping back for bedtime. Since this usually means a choice of 2 restaurants......we don't get out much.

On the upside, we saw a sign in Steinbach the other day:

Coming Soon: Boston Pizza. Opening 2012.

My husband couldn't contain his excitement, "YAY! We can date again!!!"

This, my friends is where we are. Come to Boston Pizza on opening night and you can bet we will be standing in line for the doors to open. If talk of bodily fluids makes you uncomfortable, find another table, it's all we have to talk about. But don't worry, we won't be there long. Bedtime is at 8.

Doting mom or negligent monster?

Why is there never any middle ground?!

This week, my little girl started preschool. Leading up to this day, I shared in her excitement. We shopped for her first "indoor" shoes, bought the most AWEFUL glittery princess backpack, and talked about how fun it would be to start her new adventure. I thought this was normal.....

4 going on 15. This relationship is only getting started!

Apparently, once again, I am nowhere near normal.

Ready to go. Even the dog is excited!

Leave it to our good friend, social media, to make me question myself as a parent. (This happens more often than I would like to admit.)

As the big day approached, my friends' statuses began to look like tear-stained laments of time lost.

"They CAN'T grow up!"

"Have I taught them enough?"

"Dropped them off, went home and cried, life as I know it is OVER!"

As if the beautiful sentiments weren't enough when directed at general cyberspace, I was questioned personally about my thoughts. (Silly girl, complaining about considerate friends! I know, just keep reading.)

"Did Mommy cry?"

No. Mommy did not.

"How are you dealing?"

Last time I checked, I was NOT a dealer.

"Let me know how dropping her off goes." (This one sounds innocent but the intention was, "Let me know if you break down like a blubbering idiot.)

Have to have a pic next to the flowers.

Why the rant about my wonderful, considerate, caring friends?

They have revealed something in me I didn't realize was wrong.

I have absolutely NONE of these feelings. I don't know how to react to these questions. If I would answer completely honestly I would say:

"I feel awesome! She is so excited. She NEEDS the outing. I only wish my two little boys were old enough to go too. Is there a preschool that is EVERYDAY? Can I just send her down the driveway and a bus will come pick her up? Could we change it to all day? Is there a boarding preschool?

Ok, not that last one. But you get the picture. Some might say that I am just denying my feelings or I will have them yet, but with the barrage of sentiment, I TRIED. I really tried. I WANTED to relate to the mothers that wonder if they have done enough, prepared enough, taught enough to send their child out into the world. I just don't.

Is that bad?

Even my little boys exhibited major stress at the "loss" of their bossy playmate. They didn't know what to do with themselves. Instead of getting lots done, like I foolishly hoped, I spent the morning dealing with their overwhelming emotions.

So, major vulnerable moment going on here. Am I a negligent monster? Am I not attached enough to my children? Have I missed something?

All I know is that I LOVE MY KIDS. Fiercely, fully, and painfully. I ache for their future, knowing their struggles. I hope for their choices, knowing the temptations out there. But I guess I don't ache for myself, my own loss. Weird? Maybe. But I think I'll be ok...... I'm already dreading my sons' weddings, so I'm not completely heartless....

BTW: I love all my friends. Please don't stop asking me stuff......it makes me think. ;)