"That" girl

We all have one. THAT girl. The one we can't help but hate because deep down inside, there is something (or everything) about her that we wish we were, had, or didn't have. The one we've never met (or maybe you have, she could be your best friend) but we HATE anyway. We're sure they are a b*tch. They have to be. They are too pretty, confident, wealthy, or relaxed to be nice. We covet their body, partner, wardrobe, career, you name it. The fact that they have what we want makes them evil, right? RIGHT??!!

I'm pretty sure I have a few. Zoe Deschanel being one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm her; only fatter, poorer, and with less talent. This is confirmed by my husband who comments on the striking similarities every time we see her on TV. Thanks.

How do we beat these women? Baseball bats work well, I'm told. Ok. Probably not wise.

We've all heard the old saying, "If you can't beat them, join them."

This works in this case and isn't as hard as you think. You can become the woman we all hate. I know this doesn't sound appealing at first but think about it for a minute and I bet you have all wished to be hated.

Here is a few of the things I have discovered in the last 2 years. Anyone who knows me will see these things in me. They work, right? (Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know.)

1. Smile more. 

Cliche, I know. Just try it. Another old saying goes, "When you smile, the world smiles with you." In the case of women, that is entirely untrue. No matter what situation you find yourself in, if you flash a bright, confident smile at another woman, it will catch her off guard and then stir that ever-present feeling of "I want what she has."

2. Sing in public.

I don't mean pull out your karaoke machine and belt out Shania, cause please, don't. But the next time you find yourself overwhelmed or underprepared for your situation, a song works wonders.

Most of you are thinking, "Ok. I want looks of hatred, not pity." But picture this: You are grocery shopping and need two more items when the kids start screaming about someone touching someone, somewhere.

SING.

"The kids in the cart are melting down, melting down, melting down. The kids in the cart are melting down. Lets hurry up!" (FYI: These words have actually been sung by my lips as I use the cart as a scooter to get where I need to be as quickly as possible) If sung at a volume just louder than the screaming, you will become the hero to every woman over 40 and the target of jealous glances from every woman who believes they don't have the confidence to do that. Whether or not it works on the kids, you appear together and relaxed. Mother of the year.

It works when kids are not around too, but you DO look slightly insane.

3. Dress for your OWN joy.

This is VERY IMPORTANT. (And my favourite new truth!) When shopping, buy ANYTHING (within reason, we all have a budget) that brings you joy. How often do we put on an item of clothing and we just HAVE to twirl in front of the mirror cause we love what we see, only to put it back because we don't think it's "me", or others may laugh cause we don't usually buy such.

WHAT???!!!

You just twirled. It's you. What could be more "you" than something that makes you feel like a 5 year old in a tutu? Buy the stupid coral polka dot cardigan and wear it with EVERYTHING! I know I do.

4. Chin up.

This one I learned from my 4-year-old's dance class.

 "What happens if a princess looks at the floor?" "Her crown FALLS OFF!" It's amazing what truths you can glean from little people. All the wealth, beauty, and joyful clothing in the world will "fall off" when you look at the floor. Wanna keep your crown? LOOK UP! Always up. Make eye contact with life. Every time your crown falls off, it dents a little, and takes work to bring the shine back up to snuff. Nothing says, "I am awesome, you want to be me" like a head held high.

5. Your not alone...

That woman you are eyeing who does all the above and makes you want to chuck your purse at her head..... is looking at the next woman and imagining her own handbag sailing across the room. Women I have always admired (such a positive word!) have admitted that they too have women in their life they try not to hate. I guarantee you. There is someone out there looking at you the way I look at Zoe.

When I first realized this, I felt completely hopeless. If the women I look at with green eyes of envy are looking at someone else, what can be done? But after more thought, I came to this conclusion. We are this way, because we are made to be God's beauty.

What??!

We are the culmination of God's creation. We ARE beauty. It's not something we can acheive. We can't lose the weight, buy the makeup, or wear the clothes that will MAKE us beautiful. We just are. Our human nature doesn't know what to do with this. We are all so different. How can we all BE beauty? So we compare.

Sorry. Hate to disappoint, but every woman has beauty. So, while you look at your own "Zoe" and try to figure out how to be her, there is someone else trying to emulate you.

This goes both ways. We all have people in our lives that we look down on. We don't understand why they can't get their acne under control, or why they don't lose a few pounds, or buy real pants. Next time you see them, really look at them. They are so very beautiful! EVERY woman has beauty.

EVERY WOMAN.

In your quest to be hated, I hope you also discover a tremendous new love for what it means to be a woman. We're all in this together!