This week, my little girl started preschool. Leading up to this day, I shared in her excitement. We shopped for her first "indoor" shoes, bought the most AWEFUL glittery princess backpack, and talked about how fun it would be to start her new adventure. I thought this was normal.....
 |
| 4 going on 15. This relationship is only getting started! |
Apparently, once again, I am nowhere near normal.
 |
| Ready to go. Even the dog is excited! |
Leave it to our good friend, social media, to make me question myself as a parent. (This happens more often than I would like to admit.)
As the big day approached, my friends' statuses began to look like tear-stained laments of time lost.
"They CAN'T grow up!"
"Have I taught them enough?"
"Dropped them off, went home and cried, life as I know it is OVER!"
As if the beautiful sentiments weren't enough when directed at general cyberspace, I was questioned personally about my thoughts. (Silly girl, complaining about considerate friends! I know, just keep reading.)
"Did Mommy cry?"
No. Mommy did not.
"How are you dealing?"
Last time I checked, I was NOT a dealer.
"Let me know how dropping her off goes." (This one sounds innocent but the intention was, "Let me know if you break down like a blubbering idiot.)
 |
| Have to have a pic next to the flowers. |
Why the rant about my wonderful, considerate, caring friends?
They have revealed something in me I didn't realize was wrong.
I have absolutely NONE of these feelings. I don't know how to react to these questions. If I would answer completely honestly I would say:
"I feel awesome! She is so excited. She NEEDS the outing. I only wish my two little boys were old enough to go too. Is there a preschool that is EVERYDAY? Can I just send her down the driveway and a bus will come pick her up? Could we change it to all day? Is there a boarding preschool?
Ok, not that last one. But you get the picture. Some might say that I am just denying my feelings or I will have them yet, but with the barrage of sentiment, I TRIED. I really tried. I WANTED to relate to the mothers that wonder if they have done enough, prepared enough, taught enough to send their child out into the world. I just don't.
Is that bad?
Even my little boys exhibited major stress at the "loss" of their bossy playmate. They didn't know what to do with themselves. Instead of getting lots done, like I foolishly hoped, I spent the morning dealing with their overwhelming emotions.
So, major vulnerable moment going on here. Am I a negligent monster? Am I not attached enough to my children? Have I missed something?
All I know is that I LOVE MY KIDS. Fiercely, fully, and painfully. I ache for their future, knowing their struggles. I hope for their choices, knowing the temptations out there. But I guess I don't ache for myself, my own loss. Weird? Maybe. But I think I'll be ok...... I'm already dreading my sons' weddings, so I'm not completely heartless....
BTW: I love all my friends. Please don't stop asking me stuff......it makes me think. ;)
Ha! Honestly, I didn't think you'd have a problem sending her to preschool. I'm sending Zeke too and I'm excited for him. I don't really feel any melancholy feelings, just "meh, here's another stepping stone in his growth." So here's to us! Possibly the only mothers excited to send their kids off! (for their own good and growth of course!)
ReplyDelete