Logic spawns so much Drama!

Coming up with logical consequences for disobedience is sometimes nearly impossible. Not everything has a consequence that makes sense immediately, but is an important thing to learn. Today's infraction?

Going in Mommy's room without her knowledge. This is a rule in our house because toddlers can't really be trusted to refrain from jumping on the bed or depositing all your chapstick-sized items into your glass of water.

My 4-year-old is bad for "forgetting" this rule. Today she found a way to get in and deposit some teddy bear evidence before quietly removing herself and re-closing the door. When she couldn't find her teddy bear, Mommy came to the rescue only to incriminate the little victim. Oops. What to do?

I had to take a moment to think, and this always scares the kids far more than the consequence.

AHA!! I've got it. We have been talking about trust with the kids lately. Mostly in regards to telling the truth, but I seized the opportunity to broaden the definition. 

"Sweetheart, because I can no longer trust you to play upstairs alone without going in my room, you may not play upstairs without an adult for one week." She instantly realized that this meant that all her Barbies, teddy bears, and wooden paper dolls were inaccessible. 

"Mom, can you go get my Barbies?"

"Nope. They are upstairs and therefore part of the consequence for your disobedience. I'm really sorry."

This was followed by an extreme emotional reaction involving the words, "NEVER!..." "Devastated!..." and "Hopeless!.." Wow. She IS a dramatic one.

Though logical consequences are WAY more difficult to come up with, and sometimes non-existent, they always seem to be the most hard to swallow for my little ones. Maybe that's why I believe they are so effective. I LOVE logical consequences. Even when I have to butt heads with the most illogical of responses!

Perspective.

I watched a video today about a severely autistic girl who was unable to speak. For the first 11 years of her life she was labelled as developmentally delayed as well as autistic. (the actual diagnoses was "mentally retarded" but I will use the current term here) When she was eleven, they sat her in front of a computer for the first time and since then she has gone on to write a blog and started a novel. She answers questions not only coherently but more intelligently than most "average" kids. WOW.

Why is this relevant?

Enter Oli. My beautiful, energetic, highly intelligent son.

Though he is not even close to having the same symptoms as this lovely girl, my husband and I have tossed the "autism" ball around for some time. He has moderate social anxieties, including separation fears. These symptoms worsen when change to routine or environment occur. We struggle to bring him anywhere or have people over to visit without feeling severe embarrassment over his angry, and sometimes violent behaviour. I found myself constantly apologizing for him and "explaining" Oli to the people around him.

Enter a very special auntie and who I look to as a wonderful parenting figure. She found herself doing the same thing with her son. Always "explaining" how his brain works or why he was behaving a certain way. Right in front of her son. She encouraged me not to do this. Don't display for them that they are "defective" by explaining away what you perceive as faults. Hadn't thought of it that way.

I thought about what it would be like if my parents had always done this for me......

"My apologies. We've tried to get her to stop chewing on everything but she just seems to need the calories." (This is COMPLETELY untrue!)

"Sorry about her. She refuses to wear jeans so inappropriate leggings in a myriad of colours is all I can get on her body." (This one may be true...)

"Aw man! Sorry, we've tried to get her to talk slower, but her brain must work faster than most..." (Can't deny this one.)

Ok. So who am I kidding, they are all true.... (But I don't remember my parents ever saying things like this.)

Moral of the story?

I'm done apologizing for who my son is. That doesn't mean I am done teaching. In a private, safe place, I will still instruct and try to lead him in finding his way to more appropriate responses and behaviours. But the public displays of shame and dismay (which sounds harsh but let's face it, that's what it is!) are over!!

So if you see me do this, please remind me....I DO run on a "mom-brain" afterall...

A Good Man was Easy to find.

Yesterday I tried to figure out how my husband manages to balance all the amazing things he does for me. He would like to be in constant physical contact...but still wants to know about me as a person. His every action is designed to make my life easier. He wishes he were home while he's at work, and I think he actually ENJOYS taking 3 toddlers and his town-raised wife along on farm errands. The only solution I can come up with is that he actually loves us THAT much. He just does. He firmly believes me to be the most beautiful woman on our fair planet, (God bless his ignorance!) and he desires for my happiness above all else. He is always trying to better himself as a parent and takes the time to explain things he is doing to the kids. I am hopelessly attached to this man.

Haven't changed at all in 9 years! ;)

This is my joy today. And my sorrow. Tomorrow we will bury a vibrant wife and daughter. My thoughts these last few days have been wrapped up in trying to imagine how life will continue for her husband. It scares me. Almost enough to make me want to withdraw. Try to keep from losing myself in him. Here's the rub. I like enjoying the blissful happiness I live in right now. And, after all the energy I've spent imagining my life without him, I forgot the reverse. I hope if I go first, he will know how much I loved him. I vow to spend whatever time I have left telling, and showing him and others how much I love him.

I win!

I did it! Take that, you stinky nightstand! You done been reconditioned! After sanding, puttying, bleaching (twice!), priming every single inch of that blasted thing, and two coats of paint, I have won. No longer smelly, and exceedingly gorgeous, this piece now rests in my bedroom. Stay tuned for the rest of the bedroom makeover. Some teasers? Eggplant, wainscotting, vintage green damask, and pillows.

Reminder of where we started.

Oh how far we've come.

DIY FYI

My creative juices have brought me to home decor as of late. I have a door in my porch waiting to become a head board, a pile of ancient curtains in the basement waiting to become dramatic new ones, and a night stand in the shed waiting to become a brighter-coloured nightstand.

All of the above was acquired for a grand total of $13, thanks to generous friends, building centre sales, and our neighbourhood thrift store. Now, usually you can trust your friends will not give you anything ridiculously disgusting, (Depending on your friends, I guess!) and the building centre should be trusted to sell only quality controlled items......but the thrift store? I've never had a problem. UNTIL NOW!!!

I purchased the most beautiful of night stands the other day for a whopping $8. What a find! What exactly did I find?

I'm pretty sure this night stand served as the birth place, home, and final resting place for an entire family of rodents as well as the fire-hydrant-esque powder room for an entire pack of dogs.

The smell was not immediately apparent in the store. It IS a thrift store, after all. I DID find an unusually large amount of small rodent excrement in it for being indoors, but I figured that was a quick clean up. Without much further examination, I paid the man and proceeded to carry out my newest treasure. Upon moving the piece away from the neighbouring ones, I noticed the dried on, orangish drips in years of layers down the hidden side. Oh well! Another easy wipe down.

I proudly unloaded my invaluable treasure and placed it on the grass to wipe it down. This went well, aside from the overwhelming men's-bathroom-at-a-truckstop smell as I wiped the canine bathroom side.

Luckily, there was no project space available in the house, so I placed the piece in the porch to await sanding and painting. When my husband left for work the following morning he was assaulted (and I mean completely slapped in the face) by the smell of death, urine, and general old furniture that had taken up residence in our porch. He was ready to throw it out, right then and there. But I am me. NO WAY! I am going to win this battle.

Well. The thing has been sanded, puttied, bleached twice, and the smell remains. It is fainter and mixed with the smell of bleach and Febreeze. (not the best idea.) And still, I am not ready to give up! I will use an odour and stain blocking primer and I WILL beat this thing.

What did I learn?

If it is $8 in a room full of $40, there is a reason. Find it.

Honesty

My friend said something yesterday that is rattling around in my brain and won't leave me alone. I finally figured out why.

She said, "I'm exercising to be healthier, the weight loss is just an added bonus."

I couldn't figure out why this would stick so prominently in my brain, until now.

I can't honestly say this.

I lost 25 pounds last year and got myself down to a size.....well lets just say a much smaller size! I exercised my butt off (literally) and worked hard. I'm sure I am much healthier today than I was before I started. So.....what's the problem?

My quote would read:

"I'm exercising to lose weight and look amazing in jeans, the health benefits are really of no consequence."

Am I too young to care about health and therefore allowed to have this shallow viewpoint?

Not really. I'm almost 30, have 3 kids, one crazy loving husband, and plenty to live for. So.....great! Now I just feel guilty for wanting to confidently wear a swimsuit......!

Here's my opinion. Does it matter? I am motivated by the compliments and looks I have received, both good and bad. Is this wrong? NOPE. I am extrinsically motivated. (There's that big word again!) It's ok. I know that I need some reason outside of myself in order to accomplish something. I found it in the beautiful joy of buying a new wardrobe and not hating it. I'm ok with that.

Thanks, Mom!

So, it's official, I'm becoming my mother.

But I hope in all the right ways.

On Good Friday, I decided my little girl needed a one of a kind Easter dress for Sunday morning. No problem, you say. There are lots of unique shops around. 2 days to shop. Should be fun.

Sorry, that's not how we roll. I designed, created a pattern for, and sewed her new dress before Sunday morning. THAT'S how we roll.

Thanks, Mom. (With a ring of truth but dripping with sarcasm.) This idea that I can, and should, do anything I want is met with frustration from my husband as well as myself when projects go way longer than expected (cabinets) or end up not being as "cost-effective" as I thought.

I learned early on that I could do anything. Whenever. Not because she ever really said this. She just did it. We rearranged our bedroom furniture almost monthly with no comment from her. (Except maybe, "As long as you do it yourself.") We repainted, recovered, and built whatever we wanted. I do believe I was even allowed to skip school to go fabric shopping on occasion. One day, my sister and I decided to switch bedrooms and we just did it. I don't think we even felt the need to ask. We knew that if we could accomplish it on our own....she wouldn't mind. As long as she knew where to deliver the clean laundry.

I never thought much of this until I got married. My mom has helped me to realize that she doesn't actually know how to do everything. She just does it. With common sense, some creativity, you can figure anything out. This mentality DID get me royally electrocuted at a young age as my small arms were needed to help put a belt back on the dryer!

Re-carpet my own stairs?      Why not?
Lay my own flooring?      Awesome!
Refinish my own cabinets?     Easy.
Tile my backsplash?      Still waiting to find the right tile.
Design and create a dress from scratch in 6 hours of work?      Done and done.

I'm trying to treat my children the same way. With a quiet expectation that if you want to do something, you will. Not "You can do it if you try!" or "I'm sure you will figure it out." (Not that these are bad!) Just a calm assurance that my children will accomplish what they set out to do......because they are my mother's grandchildren!